we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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