seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
