Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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