My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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