Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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