i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize