Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
