Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
