he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm passing your future prison.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
