They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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