She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
