Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
