the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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