i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
