I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
