This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
