note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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