everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
