He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
