I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
