someone get that fucking seahorse.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
