I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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