after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
