the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
