Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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