All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
