we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
my liver is dry heaving
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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