There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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