..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
