It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
