This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
