Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
