I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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