Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
