he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
