he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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