I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
