normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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