had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
