I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
