i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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