So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
