so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
