Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
People with herpes should wear stickers.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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