i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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