Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
