my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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