I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im holly from the hills drunk
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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