Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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