Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
