Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
honey bunches of taint.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
