She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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