DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
