i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I need to stop coming to work sober
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
