Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
there was a trapeze. enough said
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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