New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
and you fell through a lawn chair
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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