"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
