its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize