Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
