and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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