oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
