when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The struggles of a small town man whore
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
