He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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