its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
