Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
