youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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