Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
