Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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