hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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