Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Acid is not a monday night drug
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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