she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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