you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
