I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
