We won't sleep together?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
