I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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