i already hear my dad disowning me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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