Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
