Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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